Greatest Speakers in History

Why do we care so much about moronic sports figures? Who cares if some overpaid, undereducated idiot gets in a scuffle outside a "gentlemen's club"?

Me. That's who.

But, why?! I hear you asking. Let me break it down for you.

There are few things I enjoy more than watching pro-athletes in front of a camera. 90% of the time, it's HIGHLY entertaining.

Now, let me clarify: I'm not talking about the Peyton Mannings, the Reggie Millers, the Derek Jeters. There are many and multiple athletes who are intellegent, well-spoken, and share great insights to their respective games.

However, we never get to hear them. Instead, we're constantly forced to listen to someone whose grasp on the English language (and reality?) is tenuous at best. And I love it!

I am a "train-wreck interview" junkie. Very few things amuse me more than a player trying to sound smart.

Some go the "Mike Tyson Vocabulary" route: using words someone has told them are "neat" words. Using the word-a-day calendar, but never actaully reading it, just abusing whatever word is there.

Some go the "If I talk in circles, no one will know I'm an idiot" route: These are a little harder to spot. These folks have mastered BS. When asked why they lost, "Well, see, losing is losing. A loss is a loss. Tonight's loss was a loss."

Some go the "Captain Obvious" route: When asked why they lost, "The other team scored more points." Thank you. What a wonderful insight into the pro life. Glad to see as a pro,(and "college-educated"...excuse me while I laugh) you give the same answers my 7th grade players can come up with. John Madden is their patron saint.

So the next time you flip over to ESPN, and you see an athlete who couldn't find a coherent thought with both hands and a road map, settle in, and enjoy.

Some quotes to get ya through the day

You can observe a lot just by watching.
-- Yogi Berra

They say a tie is like kissing your sister. I guess that is better than kissing your brother.
-- Lou Holtz

"Sure, there have been deaths and injuries in boxing, but none of them serious."
Alan Winter.

I asked a ref if he could give me a technical foul for thinking bad things about him. He said, of course not. I said, well, I think you stink. And he gave me a technical. You can't trust 'em.

--Jim Valvano

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann, former quarterback