School House Rock, 2006

I was previewing the School House Rock DVD last night to make sure the ones I wanted to show were on there. (Yes, as a child of the 70's, my first formal education was School House Rock. Ok, and Bugs Bunny.) In History right now we're on The Constitution, and of course we've listened to The Preamble Song until our ears have bled.

This got me to thinking, what would School House Rock look like today?

"I'm Only A Bill"

Original: Describes the process by which a bill becomes a law. Includes: veto, over-rides, committees, etc.

Updated: Describes the process by which a bill really becomes a law. Includes: Special Interest Groups, filibustering, bi-partisan politics, and kickbacks, etc.

"Inter-Planet Janet"

Original: Describes the planets in the solar system

Updated: Due to budget cuts, NASA can no longer afford exploration. We do have some lovely 1969 footage of Buzz Aldrin comibng his hair though.

"Mother Necessity"

Original: Describes some of the greatest inventions of early America and their inventors: phone, telegraph, airplane, cotton gin, etc.

Updated: Due to copyright laws, we can't mention any new inventions without paying outrageous attorney fees or having corporate sponsorship. "Budweiser Presents: School House Rock!" just doesn't sounds right, does it?

"Conjunction Junction, What's your function?"

Original: Perhaps the most famous and well-loved of all SHR songs. Teaches the purpose and usage of conjunctions.

Updated: "Spell Checker, Spell Checker, what's your function?" We awl no a spell chequer wood never make a mistook, write?

"The Great American Melting Pot"

Original: Describes how the US became a collage of different ethnicities.

Updated: After many lawsuits and races riots of what each ethnicity would be referred to as, the update was canceled. Instead a new project was started called "This Land is My Land (or Building a Big Fence)". It has a Southwestern, Marty Robbins feel to it. (Bonus points if you get the Marty Robbins reference)

"I'm Going to College"

Original: Explains how the Electoral College works to elect our president.

Updated: Explains how the Supreme Court, hanging chads, Dade County, FL, exit polls, and confused senior citizens elect our president.

On second thought, perhaps I'll stick with my 1972, campy, cheesy versions.

Never figured me to be the nostalgic type, did ya?