Greatest Speakers in History

Why do we care so much about moronic sports figures? Who cares if some overpaid, undereducated idiot gets in a scuffle outside a "gentlemen's club"?

Me. That's who.

But, why?! I hear you asking. Let me break it down for you.

There are few things I enjoy more than watching pro-athletes in front of a camera. 90% of the time, it's HIGHLY entertaining.

Now, let me clarify: I'm not talking about the Peyton Mannings, the Reggie Millers, the Derek Jeters. There are many and multiple athletes who are intellegent, well-spoken, and share great insights to their respective games.

However, we never get to hear them. Instead, we're constantly forced to listen to someone whose grasp on the English language (and reality?) is tenuous at best. And I love it!

I am a "train-wreck interview" junkie. Very few things amuse me more than a player trying to sound smart.

Some go the "Mike Tyson Vocabulary" route: using words someone has told them are "neat" words. Using the word-a-day calendar, but never actaully reading it, just abusing whatever word is there.

Some go the "If I talk in circles, no one will know I'm an idiot" route: These are a little harder to spot. These folks have mastered BS. When asked why they lost, "Well, see, losing is losing. A loss is a loss. Tonight's loss was a loss."

Some go the "Captain Obvious" route: When asked why they lost, "The other team scored more points." Thank you. What a wonderful insight into the pro life. Glad to see as a pro,(and "college-educated"...excuse me while I laugh) you give the same answers my 7th grade players can come up with. John Madden is their patron saint.

So the next time you flip over to ESPN, and you see an athlete who couldn't find a coherent thought with both hands and a road map, settle in, and enjoy.

Some quotes to get ya through the day

You can observe a lot just by watching.
-- Yogi Berra

They say a tie is like kissing your sister. I guess that is better than kissing your brother.
-- Lou Holtz

"Sure, there have been deaths and injuries in boxing, but none of them serious."
Alan Winter.

I asked a ref if he could give me a technical foul for thinking bad things about him. He said, of course not. I said, well, I think you stink. And he gave me a technical. You can't trust 'em.

--Jim Valvano

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann, former quarterback

Just a lil warning!

The following is a synopsis of an ISP press briefing held last week. See my thoughts following the synopsis.

Indiana State Police will add 150 troopers to patrol the roads during the upcoming holiday weekend."Thanksgiving is traditionally one of the most traveled holidays of the year," the agency said in a news release. "Last year, 14 people were killed on Indiana roadways during the Thanksgiving holiday weekend.

"As it has in the past, ISP is participating in Operation C.A.R.E., or Combined Accident Reduction Effort. The extra patrols will last from Wednesday through Sunday.

"Troopers will be specifically looking for drivers who are drinking and driving, speeding, following too closely or driving aggressively," the announcement said. The officers will also be checking for seat belt and child-restraint violations.

Per their Superintendent they are going to start issuing citations for
1) 6 miles over the speed limit .
2) Failure to Yield
3) Improper Lane Movement (which includes not signaling 300 feet before you change lanes if traveling over 50 mph or not signaling at all)
4) Following too Close

5) Passing an Officer

1: Ok, no biggie (unless you're a ZMS band teacher. However, I always heard it as "9 you're fine, 10 you're mine.")

2. Again, no brainer...however I think most Hoosiers need to retake their Driver's Ed test since we're slowly adding roundabouts. Wow. There are some clueless folks out there. My particular favorite is those who've never mastered the concept of centripetal force and have to slam on the brakes to keep from shooting out of their circular path.

3. There should be an equal penalty for leaving your blinker on for more than 300 ft after making your lane change.

4. This is a $160 fine! Yes, sports fans, that's not a typo.

5. Ok, how brainless do you have to be to PASS A COP?! Hello?! McFly? Of course, these are probably the same folks that irritate me in numbers 2 and 3.

Bottom line: please be safe as you travel this holiday weekend. And remember heaps of turkey = heaps of tryptophan. Tryptophan + car = bad. Tryptophan + couch + football = greatest thing ever! (Tryptophan http://www.howstuffworks.com/question519.htm)

Breakin it down for ya

(Ok, so this is posted a little late, just catching up on posting some older stuff!)

I'm stepping outside my normal bounds today, and I'll be breaking down the two NFL championship matchups.

Colts Vs Patriots

What at first seems like a no-brainer, gets more interesting as you look deeper. It seems the Patriots have a clear advantage over the Colts. The Patriots are bipedal mammals. Have weapons (albeit old, antiquated muskets). And at one time, were the world's greatest army. Easy win, right?

The Colts however, have a tremendous speed advantage. And, if they stick together as a team, they may just pull of their famed "Stampede" play (I'd like to see you reload a musket in the middle of a stampede). Also, many of the experts factor out the messy field conditions. Think about it, have you ever seen a herd of horses "hold it in" for two+ hours? Me either.

All-in-all, while the pundits are letting their "loyalist" side show by sticking with the Pats, my money is on the Colts.

Saints vs Bears

I don't know how the NFL is allowing this to happen. Honestly. Ferocious, flesh/meat eating animals vs holy dudes in robes. Add to that, doesn't one have to be older than Bloede to even be considered for the Saints?! The Saints do have one shot though. They've got an AMAZING coach. He did create the world after all. Then there was that whole "then there was light" episode. If the Coach is on His game this weekend, the old guys just might pull it off. Still, I'm taking the team with claws and fangs.

A Sad and Tragic Realization

With all the excitement surrounding the Colts first Super Bowl appearance since moving to Indy, many people are overlooking the tragedy to follow: No more football until August.

For those of us who are pretty much "football only" life pretty much stinks in the off-season. What other options do we have?

College basketball: Eh. It's become too much like the NBA. It's decent for maybe killing a part of a Saturday afternoon, but that's about it.

NBA: No. Nope. Ain't happenin. I'm not sure what's more sickening: the "it's all about me" players or the fact that these multi-millionaires can no longer beat third world countries in a game that WE INVENTED!

Baseball: Ok, I know I'm on thin ice here, but I can't stand the game. Let the batter keep the bat. Make outs like kickball - ya gotta get hit with the ball. Score bench-clearing brawls like a boxing match. Something. Please! Nothing like cramming 10 minutes of action into 3 hours.

Golf: So, this one has hope. Primarily due to it's tremendous ability to put you to sleep for that much coveted Sunday afternoon nap!

Hockey: This still a sport?

So, enjoy Sunday. Revel in it. Soak up all the yummy, football goodness that is the NFL. Because pitchers adjusting themselves and Shaq bricking free-throws is gonna make for a long off-season.