Happy (belated) St. Patrick's Day!

As many of us will be celebrating St. Patrick chasing the warmth out of Ireland, I thought you could use some toasts to liven up your festivities.

May those who love us, love us
And those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts
And if he can't turn their hearts,
May he make anvils fall from the sky,
to land on their heads with hilarious pranging sounds.

—-

May the leprechauns be near you,
To spread luck along your way.
And may all of the medications

Take the awful hallucinations of tiny screeching people away.

—

Ireland: It's the one place on earth
That Heaven has kissed
With melody, mirth
And meadow and mist
And decades of religious-based warfare

—

On this day St. Patrick,
Surrounded by friends and more
Take that guy wearing a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" pin
And throw him the out the back door.

—

Down at the pub,
Reveling all night
Pray they don't run dry of Guinness
And substitute Bud Light

—-

Bless Bono's round, shiny glasses,
for they are round, and they are shiny,
and he is Irish.

—-

May all your sorrows be like a Shamrock Shake,
available for a limited time only.
Also, may they be a minty green in color,
putrid to the taste, and contain sodium benzoate as a preservative.

School House Rock, 2006

I was previewing the School House Rock DVD last night to make sure the ones I wanted to show were on there. (Yes, as a child of the 70's, my first formal education was School House Rock. Ok, and Bugs Bunny.) In History right now we're on The Constitution, and of course we've listened to The Preamble Song until our ears have bled.

This got me to thinking, what would School House Rock look like today?

"I'm Only A Bill"

Original: Describes the process by which a bill becomes a law. Includes: veto, over-rides, committees, etc.

Updated: Describes the process by which a bill really becomes a law. Includes: Special Interest Groups, filibustering, bi-partisan politics, and kickbacks, etc.

"Inter-Planet Janet"

Original: Describes the planets in the solar system

Updated: Due to budget cuts, NASA can no longer afford exploration. We do have some lovely 1969 footage of Buzz Aldrin comibng his hair though.

"Mother Necessity"

Original: Describes some of the greatest inventions of early America and their inventors: phone, telegraph, airplane, cotton gin, etc.

Updated: Due to copyright laws, we can't mention any new inventions without paying outrageous attorney fees or having corporate sponsorship. "Budweiser Presents: School House Rock!" just doesn't sounds right, does it?

"Conjunction Junction, What's your function?"

Original: Perhaps the most famous and well-loved of all SHR songs. Teaches the purpose and usage of conjunctions.

Updated: "Spell Checker, Spell Checker, what's your function?" We awl no a spell chequer wood never make a mistook, write?

"The Great American Melting Pot"

Original: Describes how the US became a collage of different ethnicities.

Updated: After many lawsuits and races riots of what each ethnicity would be referred to as, the update was canceled. Instead a new project was started called "This Land is My Land (or Building a Big Fence)". It has a Southwestern, Marty Robbins feel to it. (Bonus points if you get the Marty Robbins reference)

"I'm Going to College"

Original: Explains how the Electoral College works to elect our president.

Updated: Explains how the Supreme Court, hanging chads, Dade County, FL, exit polls, and confused senior citizens elect our president.

On second thought, perhaps I'll stick with my 1972, campy, cheesy versions.

Never figured me to be the nostalgic type, did ya?